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“The Crazies”
a review by Darby O’Gill

Welcome to Ogden Marsh, population 1,260, and dropping. I’ve got to tell you, this is one hell of a movie. It hasn’t even opened nationwide yet, and I’ve already seen it twice. It’s a remake of a 1973 George A. Romero film of the same name. I haven’t seen the original, but I’m now really looking forward to checking it out very soon. George A. Romero was an executive producer on this new version as well, which is always a good sign on a remake. The one thing I would however advise you to do before seeing The Crazies, is to not watch all the trailers for the movie before seeing it. The one that I have posted at the end of this review is safe, but this is truly the type of movie that the less you know going in, the better. The second time I went to see it, I brought Shady with me, who watched the trailer right before going, and he said it totally ruined it for him. Now this was months ago, so the trailer he watch was the first trailer they released, and they have since stopped showing it for just that reason. The new trailers are a little bit more vague, but it’s still better to just go see the movie with absolutely no spoilers.

Now, this is where I would normally tell you what the movie is about… But, how can I do that, when I just told you not to watch any of the film’s trailers? Okay, here’s what I feel I can tell you… This is not a zombie movie. Most people hear George A. Romero, and instantly think zombie, which they damn well should! However, this is not about zombies. In this movie, it’s more like a virus with zombie type symptoms. Unlike zombies, the infected in this movie don’t want to feed on human flesh, or hunt in hordes. No, it’s more like a creepy, calm, empty rage, which on film is way scarier than it sounds. Trust me. The Crazies takes place in a small Iowa town just outside Cedar Rapids, where Sheriff David Dutton, played by Timothy Olyphant, tries desperately to save his wife and town from a sudden virus, and at the same time a government quarantine. That kind of sums it up quite nicely, and spoiler free to boot.

I really liked this movie. You can even tell when you’re watching it, that the filmmakers, really knew what they wanted to do with this project. At no point does it try be something it’s not. It’s just a nice clear-cut story that is brilliantly directed by Breck Eisner, and is a perfect example of what I would consider an outstanding movie. Which is shocking because Eisner, son of Michael Eisner, also directed Sahara. What I think really does work for this movie, is that it has this “little movie that could” feel to it that definitely adds to its charm, much like one of my other absolute favorite movies, Feast. If you have not seen Feast yet, shame on you! More on that some other day, but for now back to the movie at hand. The Crazies really does do a wonderful job of mixing the suspense and tension in the film, into a fantastic horror cocktail. The scenes in the funeral parlor and car wash are just so good, truly classic horror movie moments. I can almost guarantee that I will be seeing this again in the theatre real soon. It’s just simply a fun ride. So, to all of you reading this right now, do yourselves a favor; buy a ticket, and take the ride. You’d be crazy not too.

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“Did You Hear About the Morgans?”
a review by Darby O’Gill

Did You Hear About the Morgans? No? Well, they suck. But you didn’t need me to tell you that. One look at this trailer, and you should have known it was bad news from the start. Now, I realize that there are people out there that enjoy these kinds of movies, but come on. How many more of these stupid “comedies” do we need? And, I say comedies sarcastically. Look, I’m all for a great romantic comedy, but don’t just churn some piece of shit movie out just for the sake of a piece of shit movie. There are some really great writers out there. When are studios going to stop wasting their money on these talent-less hacks, and invest in some writers with some real talent?

In Did You Hear About the Morgans?, Hugh Grant plays Paul Morgan, who wants to get back together with his estranged wife Meryl, played by Sarah Jessica Parker. He gets his wish when the couple witnesses a murder, and ends up being placed in the witness-protection program together. Don’t think it can get any hokier? Well, it does. The New York city slickers get relocated to a small town in Wyoming. The comedy just writes itself, doesn’t it? I really need to stop watching movies like this. I don’t know what else to say… I usually enjoy Hugh Grant, but he’s horrible in this. Well, that’s not totally fair to him. You can only do so much with the material you’re given. Sam Elliott and Mary Steenburgen give decant performances, but I’m truly grasping at straws here. The one thing I did learn from sitting through this movie is that Wilford Brimley isn’t dead. I know! I thought he was dead too! I guess Quaker Oats and Liberty Medical really do help with your diabetes. Either that, or Cocoon was a based on true story, and Wilford Brimley returns to Earth to make movies from time to time. Okay, the wheels have officially come off this review. The movie sucks. Don’t see it. End of story.

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