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“Resident Evil: Afterlife”
a review by Darby O’Gill

Alice is back… Again. And this time she’s bringing it to you in 3D, but this ain’t Wonderland. It’s more of a zombie wasteland. To be honest, I know I’ve seen the previous three movies, but I don’t for the life of me remember anything about them. To be brutally honest, I didn’t even remember that this was the fourth movie in the series. I actually thought it was the third, but in my defense it is called Resident Evil: Afterlife 3D. Why can’t they just say, in 3D? Saw 3D is not the third movie of the series, it’s the seventh. So, say Saw VII in 3D. Where as, Jackass 3D works because it is in fact the third movie. See what I mean? Getting back to the series at hand, I do however remember that the last one took place in Las Vegas, and that birds were infected with the T-virus, which made for a cool scene, but other than that it’s all pretty fuzzy. I probably should have brushed-up on the other movies before going to Resident Evil: Afterlife, but to continue being honest, I don’t think it really mattered. In a nutshell, it’s still all about Alice’s ongoing battle with the Umbrella Corporation. And, what’s better than Milla Jovovich kicking a bunch of zombie ass? That’s right, multiple Milla Jovovichs. The clones are back as well, and they start out the movie by finally taking down the Umbrella Corporation’s main headquarters located in Japan. We’re also introduced to another one of the game’s franchise characters, Chris Redfield, played by Prison Break’s Wentworth Miller. I know that these movies are based on the Resident Evil video games from Capcom, and that their realism is to be taken with a grain of salt, but there is a moment in this latest installment that wouldn’t even be believable no matter how much you suspend your disbelief. Not that this is going to take away from your enjoyment of the movie, I’m just saying that the main character would be so dead within the first twenty minutes of this movie… Just saying. On the other hand, the movie’s 3D is really good. Writer/Director Paul W.S. Anderson does a great job of utilizing the 3D’s field of depth. He not only brings the action off the screen, but he also manages to keep the movie’s sense of 3D consistently throughout the film. Unlike Clash of the Titans, Resident Evil: Afterlife was filmed completely in 3D, and not just reformatted for the sake of a higher ticket price, and it shows. The movie might not be one of the best examples of modern cinema, but I would highly recommend experiencing the 3D in theaters if you get the chance. The Resident Evil movies definitely have a good sense of self, and each movie sets up the next just as well. That’s right. I think it’s safe to say a fifth Resident Evil movie will be getting the green light any day now, which I think I’m okay with. Just be sure to check your logic and reason at the door.

Rating:


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“A Perfect Getaway”
a review by Darby O’Gill

Well, it’s anything but perfect. The 2009 Summer of Shit continues. I don’t know about you, but I’m more than ready for this summer to be over with. Writer/Director David Twohy has probably written one of the worst scripts I’ve ever had to sit through. First of all, I hate when screen writers write about screen writing; it’s just so self fulfilling. It makes me want to throw things at the screen; luckily for the Universal screening room I didn’t have anything handy. It’s really sad, because he’s written coherent scripts before in the past. Nothing mind blowing, but at least they didn’t feel like they were written by a first time writer like this one.

Okay, so here’s the gist of it, three sets of couples are on vacation in Hawaii, but one of the couples is a pair of serial killers, and they, wait for it… pray on vacationing couples. Box office gold! I have no idea how this made it into theaters. This movie has straight to DVD written all over it. It’s no fault of the actors; they do the best they can. Milla Jovovich, Steve Zahn, Kiele Sanchez, and Timothy Olyphant all give solid performances, but nothing can save a shitty script. Look, I’m going to talk about the problems in this script, and I don’t want to spoil the movie for you, but if you’re a loyal reader of this site and still want to see this movie after what I’ve said so far, I might just have to ban you from the Stash.

The biggest problem I have with this script, is that David Twohy is such an untalented screen writer, that he has to lie to the audience in order to trick them. The only way he could get a, “I didn’t see it coming!” moment, which I didn’t fall for, was to have the killers, when they’re totally alone, talk about how they think the other couple are the killers. It’s a cheap trick, and one that should never be forgiven. It’s your job as a writer, Mr. Twohy, to come up with a creative way to solve that problem, and if you can’t, you really shouldn’t be writing scripts. I for one hope you never do again. Look, you have two characters talking about screen writing, and during their discussion, they bring up the topic of red harrings. Am I really not supposed to figure out your amazing script at this point? Come on! It’s like someone took a “What not to do in screen writing” script, and made a movie out of it. I think we all get the picture at this point. Let just rate it, and get on with our lives.

Rating:

0.5 Little People