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a review by Darby O’Gill

Okay, I’m going to do the best I can to write a review for Inception. But, I don’t want to give anything away, or even talk about the events in the movie for that matter. So, if any of you know how I can possibly achieve this, please feel free to email me. Okay, I’m also realizing that writing this, and waiting for you to email me is probably not going to work either, so… Well, shit.

Here’s the gist of it, Dom Cobb (Leonardo DiCaprio) is a well trained thief, but his methods are anything but ordinary. With access to a person’s dreams, Cobb and his team perform an extraction, which is the art of stealing a secret from deep within the dreamer’s subconscious while the mind is at its most vulnerable state. But now, Cobb’s team is faced with the impossible act of inception, which the planting of an idea in the dreamer’s subconscious. Inception is the welcomed return of writer/director Christopher Nolan’s art house approach to filmmaking. His early work of Following and Memento, paved the way for Batman Begins and The Dark Knight, but with Inception he take the audience back to that place where not everything is what it seems to be. It has been awhile since a film has given up its control of meaning to the audience. Much like the last scene in Blade Runner, the last scene of Inception is very much up to the viewer’s perception. This would be another reason why reviewing it would not be as easy as one might think. I have my theories, and know what the movie means to me, but at the same time don’t want to let them get in the way of your own interpretation of the movie, especially if you haven’t seen it yet. I will tell you this; it is one of the smartest and most visually amazing films of the year. The zero gravity fight scene is to die for! And, when you find out that most of it is done without the use of CGI… Well, what can I say? Wow! This one is a must see, and all I can say is that I really enjoyed it. It’s a little long, but doesn’t feel too long, and it will most definitely give you plenty to talk about on the drive home. If you would like to talk about Inception in more detail, or want to hear my theories, leave a comment and we’ll discuss it there. If you haven’t seen the movie yet, please know that below this review will be nothing but SPOILERS, so you’ve been warned.



“G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra”
a review by Darby O’Gill

Honestly! Not one, but two of my favorite childhood memories are raped right before my eyes, and all in the same summer! Really!? REALLY!? Fuck you, Hasbro! I mean, what’s next? A He-Man movie? What’s that? Hang on a second. They did? When? Really, with Courtney Cox? Oh, come on! Dolph Lundgren played He-Man! Oh, fuck you too, Hollywood! What did I ever do to you!? Other than give you all my money and go see all of your craptasic movies. I can’t… I just can’t. I didn’t even want to see it, and yet here we are. Some part of me thought it might be fun to go see it just to laugh at it, like a bad B-movie, but you can’t even do that. It really is just bad news. I’m sorry; I can’t even put it into words. You would never believe me. How did they ever get Dennis Quaid to agree to be in this movie? Okay, enough of this let’s just get to it.

I don’t know when, but at some point Hollywood thought action sequences would be so much better if they just filmed them as close as the camera could get to the action. It’s crazy. They spend all this time and money setting up action sequences and then you can’t even see what’s happening. This movie will seriously hurt your brain if you try and think about it too hard, but here are some examples that I hope don’t hurt your head too much. The Joe’s, who are real American heroes, seem to not really care much about public safety. They’re killing every agent of Cobra they come across, and at no time try to minimize the amount of damage they are causing to the public. Now here’s the part that is really going to hurt your head. Cobra’s big bad master weapon is designed to destroy metal… That’s it. It doesn’t kill anyone, it just destroys metal. Not so mind blowing? Well how about if I told you that Cobra, not the Joe’s, use pulse pistols that are non-lethal weapons. Isn’t that the kind of weapon you would give the hero?

How about at the end of the movie…  Don’t worry, I’m not about to give anything away, not that any of you should ever want to see this movie. But, at the end of the film, the Joe’s are battling Cobra at their under water base in the Artic, and detonate the ice thousands of feet above the base to crash down and destroy it. Let me say that again. They blow up the ice above the underwater base to come crashing down. Even a 2 year old can tell you that ice floats. Actually, the ice was already floating over it to begin with, wasn’t it?

Now in a movie like this, the one thing you would think you could count on is top of the line special effects, because that’s all they ever really focus on.  But, the effects in this movie are so bad they look as if they were done on a Commodore 64. Okay look, I’ve got to stop. I’ve already wasted more than enough of my life on this movie. Let’s see if I can say at least one good thing… Sienna Miller looks amazing as the Baroness. However, I did keep finding myself thinking of Olivia Munn’s Baroness from G4’s Attack of the Show. Olivia would have at least tried to have had a Russian accent. Okay, so I can’t say anything good. Let’s just rate this turd. Once again there is no lower rating I can give this, but I would if I could. Believe it or not, this was even worse than Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. I know! How is that even possible?!


0.5 Little People