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a review by Darby O’Gill

Where do I begin? When I first heard that Robert Rodriguez was producing the new Predators movie, I thought we might finally get a good Predator sequel, but sadly the wait is hardly over. Did you ever wonder what it would be like if the kick-ass 80’s movie Predator, was turned into a LOST spin-off? Well, wonder no more, and suffer through Predators. The movie really misses its mark. The idea seemed solid enough, but the execution definitely left a lot to be desired. There were a few nice moments, but nothing that I would say worked as a whole.

In Predators, a group of people find themselves stranded on a strange alien planet after being abducted, and airdropped in while still unconscious. They quickly discover that they are the prey in a Predator game reserve, and when I say quickly, I mean they seem to figure it out quiet easily, and at the same time take the news rather well. I guess this sort of thing happens all the time. Just the other day this guy I know disappeared, he must have been abducted and brought to a game reserve. Oh well, these things happen. I just hope he’s taking it well, or that he dies quickly, because he was a good guy and deserves at least that. Here’s the thing about making a Predator sequel… You can’t. Okay, maybe you can. But honestly, the reason Predator was an amazing movie is because no one ever saw it coming. People went in expecting a regular Arnold Schwarzenegger action film, and what they got was an amazing thriller with an unexpected pace, and a pinch of sci-fi. It’s the seeing the unexpected that made that first movie a classic. The sequels keep trying to do the same, but they use the same tricks, and we sadly see them coming.

The other thing that really bothered me was that it was called Predators, but we almost never got to see them, which sucks. Mainly because good friend of the Stash, Derek Mears, played the classic Predator in the movie, and he unfortunately doesn’t get nearly enough screen time. The really sad thing is that there was the potential to do something new in Predators, using Derek’s character, but they of course missed it. At one point in the movie the humans free an imprisoned Predator (Mears), and the opportunity for a human/Predator team-up emerges, but it’s over seconds before it even began. The other thing that would have been a good idea is the inclusion of other abducted life forms, which they do have; but we only see one, and it’s not truly used to the movie’s full potential. It would have been cool to have other abducted life forms have to work with the humans to survive. I really shouldn’t have to come up with these ideas after the fact. With Robert Rodriguez involved they should have already been known. I just hope one day we’ll actually get a Predator sequel that’s worthy of the title. I’m also quiet proud that I went the entire review without mentioning that the director’s name is Nimród… Oh, wait does that count?