“A Perfect Getaway”
a review by Darby O’Gill

Well, it’s anything but perfect. The 2009 Summer of Shit continues. I don’t know about you, but I’m more than ready for this summer to be over with. Writer/Director David Twohy has probably written one of the worst scripts I’ve ever had to sit through. First of all, I hate when screen writers write about screen writing; it’s just so self fulfilling. It makes me want to throw things at the screen; luckily for the Universal screening room I didn’t have anything handy. It’s really sad, because he’s written coherent scripts before in the past. Nothing mind blowing, but at least they didn’t feel like they were written by a first time writer like this one.

Okay, so here’s the gist of it, three sets of couples are on vacation in Hawaii, but one of the couples is a pair of serial killers, and they, wait for it… pray on vacationing couples. Box office gold! I have no idea how this made it into theaters. This movie has straight to DVD written all over it. It’s no fault of the actors; they do the best they can. Milla Jovovich, Steve Zahn, Kiele Sanchez, and Timothy Olyphant all give solid performances, but nothing can save a shitty script. Look, I’m going to talk about the problems in this script, and I don’t want to spoil the movie for you, but if you’re a loyal reader of this site and still want to see this movie after what I’ve said so far, I might just have to ban you from the Stash.

The biggest problem I have with this script, is that David Twohy is such an untalented screen writer, that he has to lie to the audience in order to trick them. The only way he could get a, “I didn’t see it coming!” moment, which I didn’t fall for, was to have the killers, when they’re totally alone, talk about how they think the other couple are the killers. It’s a cheap trick, and one that should never be forgiven. It’s your job as a writer, Mr. Twohy, to come up with a creative way to solve that problem, and if you can’t, you really shouldn’t be writing scripts. I for one hope you never do again. Look, you have two characters talking about screen writing, and during their discussion, they bring up the topic of red harrings. Am I really not supposed to figure out your amazing script at this point? Come on! It’s like someone took a “What not to do in screen writing” script, and made a movie out of it. I think we all get the picture at this point. Let just rate it, and get on with our lives.


0.5 Little People