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“Inception”
a review by Darby O’Gill
Okay, I’m going to do the best I can to write a review for Inception. But, I don’t want to give anything away, or even talk about the events in the movie for that matter. So, if any of you know how I can possibly achieve this, please feel free to email me. Okay, I’m also realizing that writing this, and waiting for you to email me is probably not going to work either, so… Well, shit.
Here’s the gist of it, Dom Cobb (Leonardo DiCaprio) is a well trained thief, but his methods are anything but ordinary. With access to a person’s dreams, Cobb and his team perform an extraction, which is the art of stealing a secret from deep within the dreamer’s subconscious while the mind is at its most vulnerable state. But now, Cobb’s team is faced with the impossible act of inception, which the planting of an idea in the dreamer’s subconscious. Inception is the welcomed return of writer/director Christopher Nolan’s art house approach to filmmaking. His early work of Following and Memento, paved the way for Batman Begins and The Dark Knight, but with Inception he take the audience back to that place where not everything is what it seems to be. It has been awhile since a film has given up its control of meaning to the audience. Much like the last scene in Blade Runner, the last scene of Inception is very much up to the viewer’s perception. This would be another reason why reviewing it would not be as easy as one might think. I have my theories, and know what the movie means to me, but at the same time don’t want to let them get in the way of your own interpretation of the movie, especially if you haven’t seen it yet. I will tell you this; it is one of the smartest and most visually amazing films of the year. The zero gravity fight scene is to die for! And, when you find out that most of it is done without the use of CGI… Well, what can I say? Wow! This one is a must see, and all I can say is that I really enjoyed it. It’s a little long, but doesn’t feel too long, and it will most definitely give you plenty to talk about on the drive home. If you would like to talk about Inception in more detail, or want to hear my theories, leave a comment and we’ll discuss it there. If you haven’t seen the movie yet, please know that below this review will be nothing but SPOILERS, so you’ve been warned.
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“Predators”
a review by Darby O’Gill
Where do I begin? When I first heard that Robert Rodriguez was producing the new Predators movie, I thought we might finally get a good Predator sequel, but sadly the wait is hardly over. 
Did you ever wonder what it would be like if the kick-ass 80’s movie Predator, was turned into a LOST spin-off? Well, wonder no more, and suffer through Predators. The movie really misses its mark. The idea seemed solid enough, but the execution definitely left a lot to be desired. There were a few nice moments, but nothing that I would say worked as a whole.
In Predators, a group of people find themselves stranded on a strange alien planet after being abducted, and airdropped in while still unconscious. They quickly discover that they are the prey in a Predator game reserve, and when I say quickly, I mean they seem to figure it out quiet easily, and at the same time take the news rather well. 
I guess this sort of thing happens all the time. Just the other day this guy I know disappeared, he must have been abducted and brought to a game reserve. Oh well, these things happen. I just hope he’s taking it well, or that he dies quickly, because he was a good guy and deserves at least that. Here’s the thing about making a Predator sequel… You can’t. Okay, maybe you can. But honestly, the reason Predator was an amazing movie is because no one ever saw it coming. People went in expecting a regular Arnold Schwarzenegger action film, and what they got was an amazing thriller with an unexpected pace, and a pinch of sci-fi. It’s the seeing the unexpected that made that first movie a classic. The sequels keep trying to do the same, but they use the same tricks, and we sadly see them coming.
The other thing that really bothered me was that it was called Predators, but we almost never got to see them, which sucks. Mainly because good friend of the Stash, Derek Mears, played the classic Predator in the movie, and he unfortunately doesn’t get nearly enough screen time. The really sad thing is that there was the potential to do something new in Predators, using Derek’s character, but they of course missed it. At one point in the movie the humans free an imprisoned Predator (Mears), and the opportunity for a human/Predator team-up emerges, but it’s over seconds before it even began. The other thing that would have been a good idea is the inclusion of other abducted life forms, which they do have; but we only see one, and it’s not truly used to the movie’s full potential. It would have been cool to have other abducted life forms have to work with the humans to survive. I really shouldn’t have to come up with these ideas after the fact. With Robert Rodriguez involved they should have already been known. I just hope one day we’ll actually get a Predator sequel that’s worthy of the title. I’m also quiet proud that I went the entire review without mentioning that the director’s name is Nimród… Oh, wait does that count?
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“Toy Story 3”
a review by Darby O’Gill
First they were lost, then they were stolen, and now forgotten; but thankfully for us, Pixar has not forgotten their roots. Back in 1995, Pixar released their first feature length film, 
Toy Story, and to say it was a game changer would be somewhat of an understatement. In the last 15 years, Pixar has racked-up 249 various awards out of 487 nominations. But, in the end they’ve proven one thing more than anything else, and that is that even an animated cartoon can make you care enough to cry. I’m not kidding. The amount of sniffs and snorts around me in the last fifteen minutes of this movie was almost deafening. Pixar’s sense of story has always set them apart, but their true sense of artistry and artistic vision complete the package in a way that others can only dream of. I went to a private art school, and was there when the first Toy Story came out. 
While I was there, I was completely surrounded by art and creative people, and there was this sense of breaking boundaries every day, a feeling that you would think I’d still feel in Hollywood; but sadly it’s not the same. I realized that when I was watching Toy Story 3. Each Pixar movie always opens with a short, and they have always made me think of art school, but “Day & Night,” the new short attached to Toy Story 3, really made me realize that I don’t have that creativity around me any more. It also helped to transport me back to that way of thinking I had back when the first Toy Story came out so many years ago. Thanks for indulging me, and playing my therapist for a moment, but maybe we should get to the review.
In Toy Story 3, Woody (Tom Hanks), Buzz Lightyear (Tim Allen), and the rest of the gang, are back and facing possible retirement. With Andy getting ready to leave home for college, the toys are faced with the fate of life in the attic, or even the possibility of being trashed! The one thing I always do love about the Toy Story movies is their ability to give their storylines these great double entendres that speak to children and adults alike. Much like the other two movies, after a misunderstanding, the toys have to find their way home, and try not to be seen in the process. You know, when you say it like that, you can’t help but realize that all three movies are basically the same in structure. But, that’s what makes Pixar so great! They can take brand new storylines, using the same structure, and yet you feel like you’re seeing something you’ve never seen before. Toy Story 3 is full of those wonderful moments that remind you of being a kid. Hands down my favorite moment is the barrel of monkeys atomic blast, pure genius. The one thing I think Toy Story 3 proves, is that when a movie is made for the right reasons, they can truly work, and still make the studio more than enough money. Pixar doesn’t just make a sequel to cash-in on the last film’s success. That’s something I wish the Shrek franchise would have realized, because the first movie was unbelievably creative, and could have easily have had the same success with their sequels as the Toy Story franchise if they had. You can clearly tell that if the story wasn’t worth telling in Toy Story 3, they wouldn’t have made the movie. I really enjoyed this, the possibly last story in the Toy Story saga, but I’m sure if we see them again, it will be for all the right reasons.
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“Jonah Hex”
a review by Darby O’Gill
Well, the race for this year’s Death Coach Award might just be over, because Jonah Hex is one horrible movie. Okay, I’m getting a little ahead of myself, but it needed to be said. It’s no secret that I’m a huge DC Comics fan, and 
I’m always looking forward to anything related to the DC Universe. So, when I heard Jonah Hex was making his way to the big screen, I was extremely excited! Add to that, the announcement that Josh Brolin would be playing Hex, and there was no way this movie could fail. Boy was I wrong! This thing is so bad; I’m really hoping I’m going to be able to put it in words.
For those of you who’ve never heard of Jonah Hex, and I’m sure that’s most of you, he’s not really a superhero, but more like a legend of the old west. The comics are very much a spaghetti-western, in which Hex is neither good nor bad, but just a bounty hunter that can buy you a drink one moment, than shoot you the next. I guess it all depends on his mood that day. He doesn’t have any superpowers, just a scarred face, and bad attitude. Simple… right? You would think. I guess DC Comics just found their Punisher. Don’t worry, I’ll de-nerd that statement for you. For years, Marvel Comics has been trying to get their character The Punisher to work on the big screen, which shouldn’t be too hard because it’s just a guy in a t-shirt with a bunch of guns. Never the less, three failed movies later, The Punisher still has yet to be properly portrayed in a movie. It’s a guy with guns, and a shirt with a big white skull on it. How hard can it be to make that movie right? 
Apparently, very. You would think the same of Jonah Hex. It’s a western. What could be so hard about making that work? The only thing that could be tricky is Hex’s disfigured face, which they amazingly got right; so I’m really at a lost here. What is it you ask that doesn’t work? How about a horse equipped with duel gatling guns? Dynamite stick firing crossbows? Having supernatural powers to talk to the dead? A glowing orb of… I don’t know, some kind of gas that doesn’t even exist, and can somehow level a city? 
Or maybe it’s a weapon that comes with a handy outline of the White House on the aiming scope? Good thing that’s what their aiming at. Megan Fox? Actually, she’s not as big of a problem as you might think. She’s not good, but she’s also nowhere near the biggest problem with this movie. No, the biggest problem here is… well the whole damn thing. You have to realize you’ve got a bad movie on your hands, when Wild Wild West looks like it could be an Oscar contender. Oh man, I haven’t even talked about John Malkovich’s phoned-in performance. And, why is Will Arnett in this movie? I can’t. I’m sorry, but I can’t talk about this movie anymore. Okay, the bottom-line here, is that this is the worst movie of the year. Wow, I could have just said that from the beginning. Oh, wait… I did. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to read a few hundred issues of Jonah Hex, and hope that I can someday repress these horrible images from my head.
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“The A-Team”
a review by Darby O’Gill
When you have a problem and no one else can help… Well, I guess you’ll just have to wait for the sequel, because The A-Team movie is just about how they get there. This is an origin story, with a modern update. When I first heard about them wanting to bring The A-Team to the big screen, almost 15 years ago, I thought what a huge mistake. But, when I saw the final choices for the cast, I was more than convinced a feature film version just might work. And, I’m very glad to report that I was absolutely right.
In this modern re-launch of The A-Team, we see the team meet for the first time and ultimately get framed for the crime they didn’t commit. Let’s just take a moment to talk about this A-List cast. First, we’ve got the man with the plan, Col. John ‘Hannibal’ Smith, played Liam Neeson. I think he was the hardest to see in the role, but once I saw a production still I was totally sold. Up next, is a team member with one real bad attitude, Sgt. B.A. Baracus, played by former UFC fighter, Quinton ‘Rampage’ Jackson. Without a doubt the hardest shoes to fill in the movie, but Jackson is perfect! Much like Mr. T, Rampage embodies a little of B.A. himself honestly, and doesn’t have to force a performance, which is great! 
Because the worst thing that could have happened to this movie is if someone like Taye Diggs was cast in the roll and did a cheesy job of trying to play Mr. T. Dare I say, “I would pity the fool that fucked up this role.” And what would a yin be without its yang? That brings us to the sanest crazy person that can fly anything, Capt. H.M. ‘Howling Mad’ Murdock, played by District 9’s very own Sharlto Copley. Easily the second biggest pair of shoes to fill on The A-Team, it’s very hard to play crazy, but Copley masterfully knocks it out of the park. Last but by no means least, we come to the pretty boy of the group. No lady can resist his charm, and there’s nothing he can’t get. Of course we’re talking about Lt. Templeton ‘Faceman’ Peck, who’s perfectly played by The Hangover’s Bradley Cooper. Like I said, this is truly an A-List cast for the best possible A-Team movie. Well done, Hollywood… for once.
Over the last few months, I’ve started watching some old episodes of The A-Team again, getting myself that much more syked for the new movie. It was then that I realized just how much the old show still holds up to my wonderful childhood memories. If I had just one complaint about the new movie, it would be that they don’t help anyone other than themselves. Wait! Don’t start writing your comments yet. I know that this is the origin story, and they’re not in that business yet. It’s just that helping the town that’s being terrorized by the big bad biker gang, was such a huge part of the old show and I really missed it. The good news is that the sequel will be even better, and this one was pretty damn good. I’m also looking forward to the introduction of the fifth member of The A-Team in the sequel, that of reporter Amy Allen. And, if I could be so bold, I’d like to offer my suggestion for the best actress for the role, Evangeline Lilly. Oh, man! I’m so screwed. The A-Team hasn’t even had its opening weekend yet, and I’ve already got “The Jazz” for the sequel. I guess I’m just going to have to see this one a few more times then. Oh, and be sure to stick around after the credits, to see a few cameos.
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“Get Him to the Greek”
a review by Darby O’Gill
When I first heard about Get Him to the Greek, I thought it looked like it could be fun, but I also thought that Russell Brand looked like he was just playing the same type of character that he played in Forgetting Sarah Marshall
I’m not really sure why that is, because he could have quite easily been the same character, and I think it would have added a lot more charm to the movie if he had. I went into this movie thinking he was the same character and couldn’t for the life of me figure out why they were acting like they had never met before. I mean it makes sense that Snow wouldn’t remember the waiter from 10 years ago, but why wouldn’t the waiter bring it up? I understand that the waiter that Hill played in Forgetting Sarah Marshall
The other huge problem with this movie is that it’s an editor’s nightmare. It’s all over the place! Half the stuff that is in the trailer is nowhere to be found in the movie. There’s even a scene in the movie that only makes sense if you’ve seen the first part of the scene in the trailer, and I’m sorry but that should never happen. To top it all off, the one joke that made me laugh the hardest in the trailer isn’t even in the final cut. And after seeing the movie, I would still have to say that it’s my favorite moment of the movie, and it’s not even in the movie! How can that be?! I would have to think that it is largely to do to the amount of improvisation that is clearly running rampant through out the film. I think it’s safe to say that the deleted scenes on the DVD will have a much longer running time than the actual feature film. The best way to describe the chaos of Get Him to the Greek is like that of a Saturday Night Live
But over all it feels like a bunch of funny moments and ideas that are just strung together in the hopes that they’ll work in the end. Which is clearly why the trailer and movie are nothing alike, because the person putting together the trailer clearly found some moments funnier than others, and the director ended up not using them at all. Like I said it’s an editor’s worst nightmare.
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“Splice”
a review by Darby O’Gill
Congratulations, it’s a girl… Well, sort of. It’s more like a mix of human and animal DNA, but you can just call her Dren. Unlike most sci-fi thrillers, Splice is a very real, all be it maybe too real, look at the world of genetic engineering. It’s not too hard to believe that this could very well be happening in a lab somewhere right now. Director Vincenzo Natali, best know for the Cube
In Splice, two young scientists who are the poster children for the future of bioengineering, have created a new living organism, and would like to introduce human DNA into the mix. But when a presentation goes horribly wrong, not only do they find themselves in danger of losing their careers, but also the project’s funding. Needing to prove their theories are correct, they find themselves forced to step-up their experiment to the next level even though they were clearly told not to. I know, so far this doesn’t sound like anything new, but the thing that makes Splice so different from other films like this, is its interaction with the material. Unlike most stories of this nature, Splice takes a more honest look at the moral and ethical decisions being made during the experiment, 
and believe me this movie is going to go places you would never imagine. On top of that, the underlining relationship of Clive and Elsa (Adrien Brody and Sarah Polley) and their own individual reasons for continuing the experiment, does help to bring the movie to the next level. This brings me back to my first point, which is that this film really doesn’t know what kind of movie it wants to be. At one point it’s a relationship drama, then it’s a suspense thriller, and next thing you know it’s a full blown creature feature. Now, don’t let this give you the wrong idea, the movie is really good, it just never quite feels right. And the slow pace of the movie only makes you notice it that much more. The one thing that does work in Splice is its amazingly realistic special effects. With very little CGI, the old school mix of make-up and practical effects, is such a breath of fresh air. Overall it might not be the best that it could be, but its way better than Paranormal Activity, and well worth checking out.
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“Shrek Forever After”
a review by Darby O’Gill
Well, Shrek and the gang are back… again. Only this time they claim that it will be the last time. I guess only time will tell, but with a Puss in Boots spin-off already in the works, I wouldn’t hold my breath. Oh, did I mention it’s in 3-D? Did I need to? I thought it was a given that all animated movies are made in 3-D these days. I don’t even think it’s possible to make a 2-D animated movie any more. Never the less, Shrek Forever After doesn’t really need to be in 3-D. A few scenes work, but over all it’s just another reason to increase the movie ticket prices once again.
In this, the fourth installment of the Shrek
with the movie. Not that I have kids mind you, but you’ll see what I mean in a second. In order to break his deal with Rupelstiltskin, Shrek needs to get Fiona to fall in love with him again. So, what does Shrek do to win her heart? Why he tries to kicks her ass of course. Look, maybe I’m over reacting here, but do you really want your kids to think the way to a woman’s heart is by punching her in the face? I do realize that in the context of the scene, Shrek and Fiona are sparring, but I think it still sends the wrong message to young kids. And when movies like this are used as babysitters, and are watched over and over to no end, I really think it’s the filmmaker’s responsibility to take that into consideration when making the film. Okay, I’m going to leave it at that because I’m starting to feel like a crotchety old man yelling at kids to get off his lawn.
Shrek Forever After is not a horrible movie it’s just not nearly as good as the first Shrek
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“MacGruber”
a review by Darby O’Gill
Okay, let me do this quickly, because I only have three hundred and fifty words for this review before it self destructs. I’m going to need a number two pencil, a slightly used paperclip, and a half eaten apple… Okay, that HB pencil will do. Yes, that was an art school pencil joke, and it would have been funnier, if it didn’t cost me a hundred thousand in student loans. Oh, man! How many words was that?! Does punctuation count? Oh, good. Don’t count that! Ugh… you’re killing me! Okay, okay! MacGruber, yes that skit from Saturday Night Live, is now a full length movie. It’s been awhile since the last SNL skit turned movie was able to leave its mark on Hollywood, but MacGruber might fair better then most. Will Forte busts out the mullet and signature tan utility vest once again to save the day, or at least try to, as 
MacGruber, and with him as always is Vicki St. Elmo played by Kristen Wiig. I realize a skit that works in quick one-minute bursts might not be your first choice for a night at the movies, but surprisingly it works better than you might think. The “R” rating definitely helps, and trust me it’s very much an “R” movie. I wouldn’t say I always enjoyed the MacGruber skits, and I was not by any means expecting to enjoy the movie, but I guess you can’t judge a book… I mean a movie, by its cover. I wouldn’t say it’s a great movie, but it does feel like the type of movie that becomes more enjoyable over time. How are we doing on the word count? Are you kidding me?! But I haven’t even talked about Val Kilmer as Dieter Von Cunth! What am I at now? Three hundred and three! Why are you spelling out numbers?! Damn! Fine, back to the movie! MacGruber isn’t going to win any awards, but it will make you laugh, and could find itself in league with Wayne’s World. Only time will tell. Okay, this is crazy! Is this review really going to…
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“Iron Man 2”
a review by Darby O’Gill
A lot of things can go wrong, and often do, when making a comic book movie sequel. But gladly none of those things seem to be happening in Iron Man 2. Most comic book movies, namely the 1990’s Batman sequels, tend to find themselves spreading their stories ridiculously thin when adding way too many new characters to a storyline, but director Jon Favreau somehow manages to avoid this pitfall. Not only does Iron Man 2 work, but it also manages to do so while maintaining it’s fast pace, and it’s very well executed sense of storyline. Even with a handful of new characters being introduced, at no point does the audience, or the storyline for that matter, feel bogged-down by a bunch of origin story telling. I think Iron Man 2 should be the text book example of how to tell complex storylines to an audience without spoon feeding them at the same time.
In Iron Man 2, Tony Stark, played by Robert Downey Jr., not only finds himself dealing with the U.S. Government wanting the ownership of the Iron Man weapon, but also the fact that the very thing saving his life, could very well be killing him at the same time. If that weren’t enough, the Avenger Initiative has also started to lose their faith in him as a proper hero, and begin to question his future role in the Initiative. Topping it all off, Stark finds himself paying for the sins of his father, and dealing with a new enemy known as Whiplash, masterfully played by Mickey Rourke.
Now I figured with the addition of so many new characters, characters we’ve already met like Pepper Potts, played by Gwyneth Paltrow, would become secondary characters; making way for the new ones. But, I’m glad to say this wasn’t the case. 
Pepper’s character plays just as big of a role, if not bigger, in this film as she did in the first film. Also Don Cheadle’s replacement of Terrence Howard as Lt. Col. James Rhodes was seamless. I really liked Cheadle’s choice to play Rhodey the exact same way that Howard did. It really made the role more about the character, and less about the actor playing the character, which is not something all actors would choose to do. Scarlett Johansson is well under played as the Black Widow, but in a good way. The movie doesn’t rely on her as new eye candy, but rather uses her as needed for the story, which is a refreshing change of pace for movies like this. Which brings us the show stealing performance of Sam Rockwell; 
I don’t know what else to say other than… Wow! He really does bring his ‘A’ game to his performance as Stark Industries’ rival competitor, Justin Hammer. You’ll see what I mean when you see it. That guy needs to work more! Last but not least, Robert Downey Jr. continues to effortlessly capture the essence of Tony Stark, a role he was clearly born to play.
Is Iron Man 2 better than Iron Man? It’s hard to say. They’re two completely different movies. In the first Iron Man, there is this nice slow story pace that helps to ground the movie, but in Iron Man 2 you hit the ground running and it just feels right. With most sequels it’s easy to say which one is better, but with this one it’s truly is a continuation of the original movie, and feels like they are one and the same. Yes, I do realize that I just contradicted myself by saying they’re completely different and yet the same movie, but it’s true. I really hope all the other franchises out there are paying attention, because this is how it’s done. I think it’s safe to say that the 2010 season of summer movies is officially upon us, and the bar has been set very high thanks to Iron Man 2.
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